By Timothy P. Williams, Senior Director of Formation and Leadership Development
Our Rule reminds us to serve “for love alone”. [Rule, Part I, 2.2] Yet in our lives we know different types of love; the love we have for spouses, children, neighbors, and friends are not all the same. The language of the scriptures, Greek, even contains different words for different kinds of love, and our pop culture offers more variations and qualifiers, such as “tough love”. So, in which love are we called to serve?
St. Vincent de Paul taught that there were two kinds of love: affective and effective. Affective love, he explained was “pleasure and tender feeling one has for the thing loved, as a father has for his child… Effective love consists in doing the things the loved person commands or desires”. [CCD XI:35] His understanding drew upon his friend and mentor St. Francis de Sales, who explained in his Treatise on the Love of God that “the one makes us pleased in God, the other makes us please God: by the one we conceive, by the other we bring forth”. [Treatise, Bk 6, Ch 1]
Both saints, though were really only describing one love: the love of God, which, in the reckoning of our patron, may find its expression in feelings, but has its effect in action; we “witness to God by our works that we love Him. [All our work consists in action.]” [CCD XI:33] Our service to the neighbor, then, is an expression, a sign, of our love for God; it is the effect of that love, the love which the Savior gives to us, and the love by which they will know we are Christians. There is no qualifier needed for the love of God, and no condition which we can attach to those works through which we express His love. Our Vincentian virtue is gentleness, not toughness.
We all encounter neighbors who seem at times to be the cause of their own troubles, yet as our Manual reminds us, “members should never adopt the attitude that the money is theirs, or that the recipients have to prove that they deserve it. …members need to remember that, by and large, they are dealing with individuals and families who may be desperate, who often have dysfunctional histories, and … a multitude of problems weigh them down. These are precisely the people whom the Society is called on to serve by bringing them support and hope.” [Manual, 23] In his essay, The Undeserving Poor, Bishop Untener explained that “They are the ones who have been helped before—and it didn’t help… They are the ones who seem to take advantage of the system, or other people. Help them anyway.” [SiH, Mod IV]
Of course, we always seek to encourage the neighbor to find a path towards self-sufficiency, always being “sure that you don’t make your assistance dependent upon them actually taking your advice.” [Conf Pres, 35] Neither our assistance nor our love can ever be conditional, and our advice will often be wrong. And after all, God’s grace is “the free and undeserved help that God gives us”. [CCC, 1996] Who are we to keep His undeserved grace and unconditional love to ourselves?
Contemplate
Do I sometimes attach conditions to the assistance I offer to the neighbor?
Recommended Reading
The Spirituality of the Home Visit
Contemplación: Incondicional
Traducción de Sandra Joya
Contemplar
¿A veces pongo condiciones a la ayuda que ofrezco al prójimo?









