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Contemplation: At the Margin

Contemplation: At the Margin 1080 1080 Kristen Blacksher

By Timothy Williams, Senior Director of Formation and Leadership Development 

When I was a kid, I used to pull my dad’s old academic books from the shelves and flip through them. He was a college professor at the time, and although I wasn’t really interested in medieval history, I was always fascinated by the little notes he had made in the margins, most of them written in faded pencil many years before. Sometimes they were words, sometimes just lines or arrows. Why did he put those notes there?

That memory comes to mind when I read in our Rule about our “common mission to help the poor and marginalized.” [Rule, Part I, 3.3] To be marginalized is to be excluded, to be kept on the edges of society, and we distinguish it from poverty because it may be caused not only by poverty, but by old age, infirmity, illness, or any “living conditions [that] interfere with … proper growth.” [CSDM, 182] Isolation and despair can be both a cause and a result of marginalization.

It is to the marginalized that we are called by solidarity, one of the four permanent principles of Catholic Social Doctrine. Solidarity is a virtue; it is not merely “a feeling of vague compassion or shallow distress at the misfortunes of so many people” but “a firm and persevering determination to commit oneself to the … good of all and of each individual.” [Sollicitudo Rei Socialis, 38] This specific call to seek the good of each individual is echoed in our definition of the Vincentian Virtue of zeal as “a passion for the full flourishing and eternal happiness of every person.” [Rule, Part I, 2.5.1]

Our material assistance can alleviate some of the causes of marginalization, but it is our loving presence and our friendship that brings the hope that alleviates despair and the love that welcomes all into community.

We have a choice, then, as to how we will view marginalized people. We can choose to see them as outside the mainstream, outside the body of the text; we can see them as “others.” Or we can see them as God’s margin notes, left for us in the flesh and blood image of His Son; we can see them as His highlights, not placed in the margin to be ignored, but to remind us of the most important things.

It would be easy to overlook faded pencil marks in the middle of a printed paragraph, but in the margin, it cannot be simply ignored. So maybe, like my dad’s old pencil-written notes, they can remind us most effectively of our call to solidarity because, whether at the margins or in the text, we’re all on the same page.

Contemplate

Do I truly seek out those at the margins?

Recommended Reading

Turn Everything to Love

 


Contemplación : En El Margen

Traducción de Sandra Joya

Cuando era niño, solía  sacar de los estantes los viejos libros académicos de mi padre y hojearlos. En ese monento, él  era profesor universitario y, aunque a mi no me interesaba mucho la historia medieval siempre me fascinaban las pequeñas notas que había  hecho en los márgenes, la mayoría  de ellas escritas con lápiz descolorido muchos años antes. A veces eran palabras, a veces sólo  lineas o flechas. ¿Por qué  puso esas notas allí?.

Ese recuerdo me viene a la mente cuando leo nuestra Regla sobre “nuestra misión común de ayudar a los pobres y marginados” [Regla Parte 1:3.3] Ser marginado es ser excluido, ser mantenido al margen de la sociedad, y lo distinguimos de la pobreza porque puede ser causada, no solo por la pobreza, sino por la vejez, la enfermedad, la dolencia o cualquier condición  de la vida (que) interfieran con …el crecimiento adecuado. [CSDM, 182] El aislamiento y la desesperación pueden ser tanto una causa como un resultado de la marginación.

Es hacia los marginados  hacia quienes estamos llamados por la solidaridad uno de los cuatro principios permanentes de la Doctrina Social Católica. La solidaridad es una Virtud, no es meramente ” un sentimiento de vaga compasión o de superficial consternación por las desgracias de tantas personas” sino ” una firme y perseverante determinación de comprometerse por el bien de todos y de cada individuo” [Sollicitudo Rei Socialis,38] Este llamado especifico a buscar el bien de cada individuo se refleja en nuestra definición de la “Virtud Vicentina” del “celo” como una pasión  por el florecimiento  pleno y la felicidad eterna de cada persona [Regla Parte 1: 2.5.1]

Nuestra ayuda material puede aliviar algunas de las causas de la marginación,  pero es nuestra presencia amorosa y nuestra amistad lo que trae la esperanza que alivia la desesperación y el amor que acoge a todos en la Comunidad.

Tenemos, entonces,una opción  en cuanto a como veremos a las personas marginadas. Podemos eliger verlas fuera de la corriente principal, fuera del cuerpo del texto; verlos como “otros” o podemos verlos como notas al margen de Dios, dejadas para nosotros en la imagen de carne y hueso de su Hijo; podemos verlos como sus puntos destacados, no colocados en el margen para ser ignorados, sino para recordarnos las cosas más  importantes.

Seria fácil  pasar por alto unas marcas de lápiz descoloridos en medio de un párrafo  impreso, pero en el margen, no se puede simplemente ignorar. Entonces, tal vez, como las viejas notas escritas por mi padre, puedan recordarnos de manera más  efectiva nuestro llamado a la solidaridad porque, ya sea en los márgenes  o en el texto, todos estamos en la misma página.

Contemplar 

¿Realmente busco a quienes están en los márgenes?

Contemplation: Servants All The Way Down

Contemplation: Servants All The Way Down 1080 1080 Kristen Blacksher

By Timothy Williams, Senior Director of Formation and Leadership Development 

Subsidiarity, one of the four permanent principles of Catholic Social Doctrine, is a core principle of the Society of St Vincent de Paul. [Rule, Part I, 3.9] Subsidiarity serves the poor by allowing the flexibility that fosters creativity to Conferences and serves good governance by avoiding what Frédéric called “bureaucracies which impede our march by multiplying our machinery.” [310, to Amélie, 1841] It could also be said that servant leadership is the central exercise in subsidiarity, leaving, as it does, the decisions not to the presidents of Conferences and Councils, but to the members.

Emmanuel Bailly, first Conference President and first President of the Council of Direction (now known as the International Council General) offered one of the earliest explanations of how subsidiarity guides and strengthens our organization, explaining that a Council “is rather a link than a power” and that “all this has been imposed on no one, all is freely accepted, followed, and may be abandoned.” [Bailly, Circ. Ltr., 1841] Frédéric also emphasized the importance of local decision-making, explaining to a new Conference that “knowledge of our organization [in Paris] and manner of acting is not of great use to you. Your city probably has different needs than the capital and provides different resources.” [82, to Curnier, 1834] Councils, in other words, do not supervise or direct Conferences. Instead, “Councils exist to serve all the Conferences they coordinate.” [Rule, Part I, 3.6]

Leaders in the Society seek to imitate Jesus, who calls us “to wash one another’s feet. I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do.” Servant leaders in the Society are not called to be bosses or commanders and are not expected to be “large and in charge.” They are instead called to be “small and for all,” not directing, but fulfilling the will of their Conferences and Councils, expressed through consensus of the members. Leaders, St. Vincent taught, should be “firm and unchanging with regard to the end but gentle and humble as to the means.” [CCD II: 332]

Within our Conferences, subsidiarity calls us to respect each Home Visit team’s “special insight into the best way to give help” to the neighbors they personally visit. [Manual, p.24] Our default is to leave that decision to those closest to it. In turn, all Members are called not to be served, but to serve, placing the needs of the neighbor before their own, recognizing that whatever we do for the least among us, we do for our Savior, who assured us that He was Himself among us as one who serves.

Our Cultural Beliefs declare that we are One Society, our Mission Statement says we are a network of friends, and our first President reminds us that “from the Conferences to the Center, there is neither authority nor obedience” but rather, there is “charity; there are the same end, the same good works; there is a union of hearts in Jesus Christ our Lord.” [Bailly, Circ. Ltr. 1841] Subsidiarity and servant leadership, then, are pure expressions of Christian love.

Contemplate

As a Member and leader, do I seek always to humbly regard others as more important than myself?

Recommended Reading

‘Tis a Gift to Be Simple

 


Contemplación : Los Sirvientes todo el camino hacia abajo

Traducción de Sandra Joya

La susidiaridad,uno de los cuatro principios permanentes de la Doctrina Social Católica, es también  un principio central de la Sociedad de San Vicente de Paúl,  ( Regla,Parte 1,3.9) La susidiaridad sirve a los pobres permitiendo la flexibilidad que fomenta  la creatividad de las Conferencias y sirve al buen gobierno evitando lo que Federico llamaba ” burocracias que impiden nuestra marcha multiplicando nuestra maquinaria” (310,a Amelie,1841) También  se podría  decir que el liderazgo de servicio es el ejercicio central de la subsidiaridad dejando como lo hace, las decisiones no a los presidentes de Conferencias y Consejos, sino a los miembros.

Emmanuel Bailly, primer presidente de Conferencia y primer Presidente del Consejo de Dirección (hoy conocido como el Consejo General Internacional) ofreció  una de las primeras explicaciones de cómo  la subsidiaridad guía  y fortalece nuestra organización, explicando que un Consejo” es más  un vínculo  que un poder” y que ” todo esto no ha sido impuesto a nadie, todo se acepta, se sigue y se puede abandonar libremente. ( Bailly, Cir.Carta,1841) Federico también  enfatizó la importancia de la toma de decisiones local, explicando a una nueva Conferencia que ” el conocimiento de nuestra organización ( en París) y la manera de actuar no es de gran utilidad para ustedes. Su ciudad probablemente tiene necesidades diferentes a las de la capital y proporciona recursos diferentes” (82, a Curnier,1834) Los Consejos, en otras palabras,no supervisan ni dirigen las Conferencias. En cambio, ‘ los Consejos existen para servir a todas las Conferencias que coordinan” (Regla, Parte 1. 3.6)

Los líderes de la Sociedad buscan, imitar a Jesús , quién nos llama a ” lavarnos los pies unos a otros. Les he dado un modelo a seguir, para que como yo he hecho con ustedes, ustedes también  lo hagan”, los líderes  servidores de la Sociedad no están  llamados a ser jefes o comandantes y no se espera que sean ” grandes y estén  a cargo”  En cambio están llamados a ser ” pequeños,  y para todos” no a dirigir, sino a cumplir la voluntad de sus Conferencias y Consejos expresada a través  del consenso de los miembros. Los líderes , enseñaba San Vicente, deben ser ‘ firmes e inmutables en cuanto al fin,pero mansos y humildes en cuanto a los medios. ( CCD II 332)

En nuestras Conferencias, la subsidiaridad nos llama a respetar la ” especial percepción  de cada equipo de visitas domiciliarias sobre la mejor manera de prestar ayuda” a los vecinos que visitan personalmente ( Manual, p. 24) Nuestra actitud predeterminada es dejar esa decisión  a los más  cercanos. A su vez, todos los miembros están  llamados no a ser servidos sino a servir, poniendo las necesidades del prójimo  antes que las suyas, reconociendo que todo lo que hacemos por el más  pequeño entre nosotros,lo hacemos por nuestro Salvador, quien  nos aseguró que El mismo estaba entre nosotros como uno que sirve.

Nuestras creencias Culturales declaran que somos una Sociedad. Nuestra declaracion de misión  dice que somos una red de amigos y nuestro primer Presidente nos recuerda que ” desde las Conferencias hasta el centro,no hay autoridad ni obediencia” sino, más  bien hay caridad, hay un mismo fin, las mismas buenas obras ” hay una unión  de corazones en Jesucristo nuestro Señor ” ( Bailly, Circ. Ltr 1841) La subsidiaridad y el liderazgo de servicio son, entonces, expresiones puras del amor cristiano.

Contemplar 

Como miembro y líder  ¿ busco siempre considerar humildemente a los demás  como más  importantes que yo?

Contemplation: Do You Believe in Miracles?

Contemplation: Do You Believe in Miracles? 1080 1080 Kristen Blacksher

By Timothy Williams, Senior Director of Formation and Leadership Development 

Sometimes, on our Home Visits, we feel the urge to give the neighbor a plan, or a list of tasks to improve their material well-being. It can become frustrating when they don’t follow our advice, and we may even feel as if our help should be made conditional on following it. It shouldn’t, and not only because we should have the humility to admit that our advice may be completely wrong.

As the Conference President Handbook explains, we should “not be too quick to advise,” instead offering advice only when it is “wanted and appropriate.” But, the Handbook continues, “we must never force our will onto those we help… Be sure that you don’t make your assistance dependent upon them actually taking your advice.” [Pres Handbook, 35]

It helps to remind ourselves of our true purpose, which is to seek our own holiness, and to draw the neighbor closer to Christ. We do this work of evangelization “through visible witness, in both actions and words.” [Rule, Part I, 7.2] The material assistance we offer is of course meant to relieve real needs, but we hope, as Blessed Frédéric put it, that in “ensuring material help, it will be possible to ensure at the same time spiritual improvement.” [Baunard, 127]

Our model, as in all things, is Jesus Christ, who offered material help, often miraculously, and always unconditionally. In feeding the five thousand (and healing their sick), He did not ask them to earn it in any way, He was simply “moved with pity.” His great and unconditional acts of compassion showed God’s love for all of His people, and He often took the time to explain exactly this point, as when he healed the man with the withered hand, who had not even asked to be healed, or the paralytic, whom He first forgave of his sins, then healed only to demonstrate that His power to forgive was real.

Similarly, we give of our time, our talents, our possessions, and ourselves not in order to extract submission to our advice, but in order to demonstrate Christ’s love, and to inspire hope in the heart of the neighbor. After all, Frédéric explained, “material assistance is only a secondary object of the Society; sanctification of souls is the principal aim.” [Baunard, 339]

All of this is not to say that we should ignore longer term needs, nor limit our assistance only to the offering that begins our relationship. As Frédéric said, “the same authority which tells us that we shall always have the poor amongst us is the same that commands us to do all we can to ensure that there may cease to be any.” [O’Meara, 230] The poor, we are taught, are blessed, yet their material deprivations can separate them from God just as surely as riches can separate the wealthy from God. Jesus did not withhold his miracles from us because we are undeserving. If our assistance is offered with the same unconditional compassion and love, it just might be miraculous, too.

Contemplate

Do I ever, even subconsciously, set conditions for offering assistance?

Recommended Reading

Turn Everything to Love


Contemplación : ¿Crees en los Milagros?

Traducción de Sandra Joya

A veces, durante nuestras visitas al hogar, sentimos la necesidad de darle al vecino un plan o una lista de tareas para mejorar su bienestar material. Puede ser frustrante cuando no siguen nuestros consejos, y podríamos incluso sentir que nuestra ayuda debería estar condicionada a que los sigan. Sin embargo, no debería ser así, y no solo porque debemos tener la humildad de admitir que nuestros consejos podrían estar completamente equivocados.

Como explica el Manual del Presidente de Conferencia, no debemos “ser demasiado rápidos para aconsejar”, ofreciendo consejo solo cuando sea “deseado y apropiado”. Pero, continúa el Manual, “nunca debemos imponer nuestra voluntad a aquellos que ayudamos… Asegúrate de que no condicionas tu asistencia a que sigan tu consejo.” [Manual del Presidente, 35]

Es útil recordarnos nuestro verdadero propósito, que es buscar nuestra propia santidad y acercar al vecino a Cristo. Hacemos este trabajo de evangelización “a través del testimonio visible, tanto en acciones como en palabras.” [Regla, Parte I, 7.2] La ayuda material que ofrecemos está, por supuesto, destinada a aliviar necesidades reales, pero esperamos, como decía el Beato Federico, que al “asegurar la ayuda material, sea posible asegurar al mismo tiempo una mejora espiritual.” [Baunard, 127]

Nuestro modelo, como en todas las cosas, es Jesucristo, quien ofreció ayuda material, a menudo milagrosamente y siempre incondicionalmente. Al alimentar a los cinco mil (y curar a sus enfermos), no les pidió que lo merecieran de ninguna manera; simplemente “se compadeció de ellos.” Sus grandes y actos incondicionales de compasión mostraron el amor de Dios por todos Sus hijos, y a menudo se tomaba el tiempo para explicar precisamente este punto, como cuando curó al hombre de la mano seca, que ni siquiera había pedido ser curado, o al paralítico, a quien primero perdonó sus pecados y luego curó solo para demostrar que su poder de perdonar era real.

De manezra similar, damos de nuestro tiempo, talentos, posesiones y de nosotros mismos no para obtener sumisión a nuestros consejos, sino para demostrar el amor de Cristo e inspirar esperanza en el corazón del vecino. Después de todo, Federico explicaba, “la asistencia material es solo un objetivo secundario de la Sociedad; la santificación de las almas es el objetivo principal.” [Baunard, 339]

Esto no significa que debamos ignorar las necesidades a largo plazo ni limitar nuestra asistencia solo a la ayuda inicial que comienza nuestra relación. Como decía Federico, “la misma autoridad que nos dice que siempre tendremos a los pobres entre nosotros es la misma que nos manda hacer todo lo posible para que no haya ninguno.” [O’Meara, 230] Los pobres, se nos enseña, son bienaventurados, pero sus privaciones materiales pueden alejarlos de Dios con la misma certeza con que las riquezas pueden separar a los ricos de Dios. Jesús no nos negó sus milagros porque no los mereciéramos. Si nuestra asistencia se ofrece con la misma compasión y amor incondicional, también podría ser milagrosa.

Contemplar 

¿ Alguna vez, incluso de forma subconsciente, establezco condiciones para ofrecer?

Ground Rules For Visitation

Ground Rules For Visitation 1200 628 admin

There are a set of basic ground rules that should be kept in mind before visiting with those who have requested our help. It is a good idea to review them on occasion, understand them and put them into practice.

 1. If you are on a witch hunt, stay home.

One of our purposes as members of the Society is to bring the love of God to those who are in need. You cannot do this if your personal expectation is that the people you visit are on the take, that they are out to get us for whatever they can. If you believe that the people you are going to visit are going to give you a phony story, if you believe before you actually meet with them that they “are only going to sell the food to get money for cigarettes or alcohol or drugs,” then you have prejudged them and shouldn’t be participating in the interview. Our role as helper obliges us to keep as open a mind as possible. Give those we serve the benefit of the doubt — at least until you have heard their story and can make a reasonable judgment as to the validity of the need. Remember, it is the need we are judging — not the people. So, the first ground rule calls for you to judge yourself — not the circumstances, not others. What is your reason for going on this visit? If you are on a witch hunt, you have no Vincentian reason for being there. Stay home.

 2. If you are an expert on life, stay home.

Have you ever heard the comment: I’ve lived a long, difficult life and I’ve never had to ask for help? (Better yet, have you said such?) Some people (Vincentians) have a tendency to feel that they know the answers, they’ve heard it all before, they know the circumstances, they know what questions will be asked, and they know what they are going to do to resolve the request before the visit occurs. The problem with being an expert is that experts have the answers before the questions are asked. The problem with experts is that they are ready with what needs to be done while the words of the request are still being formed in the mind of the one asking. The problem with experts is that they don’t listen. And, that is exactly what is expected of Vincentians: Vincentians must be good listeners. Vincentians should go on a call with no preset plans in mind. Vincentians should visit those in need with the spirit of a servant asking their masters “what is it that we can do for you?” Our Lord has called out to us. It is He whom we are serving in the person of the poor. We must go to Him humbly asking what it is He seeks. But He does expect us to say “yes” when appropriate and “no” also when appropriate. Be a good listener. If you are an expert on life, stay home.

3. If you cannot smile and be pleasant, stay home.

Let’s face it, everyone has a bad day once in a while. It happens to the worst of us. It happens to the best of us. However, as Vincentians we represent Christ to those we serve. We must be pleasant, loving and caring when we encounter those in need. Our Lord asked us to love one another as He has loved us. That’s a tall order and we need to represent Him well. What this means is that if you are having a bad day, you can’t show it. And, if you can’t not show it, stay home.  You are doing no one any good — including yourself.

If your normal personality matches the movie title “Grumpy Old Men,” then you shouldn’t be going on home visits. Grumpy people never provide those they encounter with feelings of love and renewed hope. That’s part of what we are doing when we go to those in need. We are showing them that God cares. He cares so much that He sent us to try to help. So, if you are a grumpy old man or woman, stay home.

Burnout often reflects itself in rude, crude and downright ugly behavior. Unfortunately, we never recognize it in ourselves. It’s always someone else who sees it. And it is worse if the one who sees it is the one you are supposed to be helping. If you see this in your partner, make sure he/she stays home.

4. We are responsible for our effort, not for success.

It would be great to point to every Home Visit that we make and be able to say, “This is one of our finest success stories. We did such and such and it really turned things around for this family. They’re doing great now.” Well, in doing a reality check, we know better. We know, in fact, that very few of the families we visit for the first time ever even take the good advice we give them. That’s part of human nature and we should not expect much more. So then, what is our role if it is not to change people’s lives and get them on the road to heaven? Our role in serving those in need is twofold. First, it is to show those who are in need that God cares about them; He cares so much that He sent us to do what we can to help. Second, our role is to make life a little bit better for them right now, this moment, to give them some hope. If we can do more, that’s great. If not, that’s okay too.

We are responsible for making the effort to help. We are responsible for our attitudes, for the amount of love we put into the visit, for the amount of love we put into the advice we give. We are not responsible for making it all work. We can give advice but we cannot force those we are trying to help to take the advice and run with it. We cannot place conditions on the help we give; so we should never refuse to help because they didn’t follow our last advice. Christ asked us to love one another as He loved us. His love was unconditional. Focus on what you can control and that is your effort. You may walk away from a visit feeling like you have made a real difference or you may feel like you were not able to change anything. The impact of what you do today may not show up for months or years. If you are going to make an evaluation of the visit, then evaluate yourself, your effort, the impact of the visit on you, and not whether anything is different for the family you visited.

 5. Judgment not judgmental!

Every day we are faced with making decisions and every day we make a choice on each one of those decision points presented to us. Some of those choices are good, some are bad and some are inconsequential. We hope for the most part that our decisions are good ones. When we are faced with what our Lord presents to us on our visit to Him (in someone’s home), we are asked again to make a decision, a choice, a judgment.

We are asked to judge the validity of the need and the level of resources that are available to us. We are asked to listen to what is presented, observe the surroundings, analyze the circumstances, and evaluate what we have to work with. It is the need that is important. Is this real? Do they really need the groceries? Do they really need the rent help or is the rent not even due for another two weeks? Do we have enough money to pay the portion of the bill that they cannot cover? We are asked to make a judgment — period.

Don’t make your decision based on any one of the many varied lifestyle choices that people make: are they living together instead of being married; is it a mixed marriage; are they just going to take our help and use their own money to buy cigarettes, beer or drugs; is the house filthy and the kids as well; does the whole place smell of stale cigarette smoke or urine; is the old man just lounging on the sofa? These and a thousand other questions are based on lifestyle choices and cause us to be judgmental.

We are asked to make good judgments about whether to help or not. We are not to be judgmental about lifestyle choices. It’s not easy. We have to deal with mind and heart issues as well as all our life experiences. Our Lord told us to love one another as He loves us. Don’t deny someone your help because you disagree with how they choose to live. Make the judgment — don‘t be judgmental.

6. Who owns the groceries? Let go!

Letting go is something that has been promoted as a necessary part of maintaining both a good mental and emotional balance. Essentially the saying is “let go, let God!” Within our Vincentian way of life we are asked to do the same thing but from a slightly different aspect.

Often our members place a tremendously high value on the material things that we give to those in need. Often we are judgmental about the people we serve based on how they deal with the things we give them. Jesus told us to love one another as He loves us. And He loves us unconditionally. He doesn’t attach any strings to the gifts He gives us. He doesn’t ask us to dance to a particular tune in order to receive the gifts He gives out of love. And He certainly is not going to withhold any future gifts because we didn’t care very well for what He gave us in the past.

The same should be applied as Vincentians give their gifts to those in need. There are no strings attached. Our gifts are unconditional. When we give a person or family a box of groceries, who owns the groceries? They do. When we give a person or family some clothing or some furniture, who owns the merchandise? They do. They have ownership. How they handle it, how they dispose of it is their business.

We are asked to make a judgment about the need that is presented to us. We are not asked to be judgmental about the actions of the people we are about to help. Let go. Judge each case on its own merit. “The measure with which you measure will be used to measure you.” (Matthew 7:2)

 7. Work within the guidelines of the Conference.

It has been stated in many ways in many St. Vincent de Paul publications: the basic unit of the Society, the most important unit of the Society is the Conference. It is the Conference that has the resources. It is the Conference that does the works of charity. It is the Conference that decides what will and what will not be done. In the United States, all Conferences are run democratically. All decisions are made by the group. No individual member has a right to override what the Conference decides. Every Conference establishes a set of guidelines upon which the members may operate as Vincentians. Assuming that the guidelines do not contradict the Rule of the Society, it should be understood by all members of the Conference that the guidelines must be followed.

For example, a Conference guideline may allow for any visiting team to spend up to $150 based on their own evaluation of the need and circumstances. If more than $150 is needed, then it must be brought back to the Conference for a decision. It would be improper for any visiting team to simply approve payment of or pay a bill for $220.

If the Conference as a group decides not to give any further assistance to a specific family (regardless of reason), it would be wrong for an individual member or visiting team to assist the family in spite of the Conference decision. All members must work within the guidelines of the Conference.

 8. Your decision is the right one.

The visiting team must have confidence in themselves and their decision-making ability. They are being asked to make a decision that will affect not only the person/family they are working with but also the Conference. The visiting team members are the only ones present to hear the story, to ask the questions, to understand the circumstances and to formulate a resolution to the problem. Their decision is the right one. The only exception to this is if their decision contradicts a Rule of the Society or a prior decision/guideline made by the Conference.

No one within the Conference has a right to criticize the team for the decision they made. Other members may make recommendations as to other questions that may be asked in similar circumstances next time, other resources that may be referred, other paths that may be suggested. But criticism is out. Our role as Vincentians during the meeting is to bolster, encourage and assist each other.

Always remember: unless you are doing something contrary to your Conference’s prior decisions or contrary to the Society, your decision is the right one.

 Conclusion

Take a moment and review all eight of the ground rules. Essentially, they all deal with attitude. Attitude is what you bring to the visit. It affects the way you think and the way you act. It truly is your contribution to the encounter. Our Lord presents us with opportunities to serve Him by serving those in need. It is not so much the material things that we give that are important as what we bring from our hearts. Let us close with an excerpt from Praying With Frederic Ozanam (pages 92-93, Ron Ramson, C.M.).

Frederic’s Words

 On 21 October 1848, Frederic wrote a remarkable article in his newspaper, the New Era. The article was entitled “Help Which Humiliates and Help Which Honors.” 

Help is humiliating when it appeals to men from below, taking heed of their material wants only, paying no attention to those of the flesh, to the cry of hunger and cold, to what excites pity, to what one succors even in the beasts. It humiliates when there is no reciprocity, when you give the poor man nothing but bread, or clothes, or a bundle of straw — what, in fact, there is no likelihood of his ever giving you in return… But it honors when it appeals to him from above, when it occupies itself with his soul, his religious, moral, and political education, with all that emancipates him from his passions and from a portion of his wants, with those things that make him free, and may make him great. Help honors when to the bread that nourishes it adds the visit that consoles, the advice that enlightens, the friendly shake of the hand that lifts up the sinking courage; when it treats the poor man with respect, not only as an equal but as a superior, since he is suffering what perhaps we are incapable of suffering; since he is the messenger of God to us, sent to prove our justice and our charity, and to save us by our works.

Help then becomes honorable because it may become mutual, because every man who gives a kind word, a good advice, a consolation today, may tomorrow stand himself in need of a kind word, an advice, or a consolation; because the hand that you clasp clasps yours in return; because the indigent family whom you love loves you in return, and will have largely acquitted themselves towards you when the old man, the mother, the little children shall have prayed for you.

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